Mom Shaming: Let’s end it.

Recently one of the funny meme-making moms I follow on Instagram posted the following meme:

“I’m desperate but not *used breastpump* desperate”

I normally would not comment on such a post, but saw others were weighing in (and I’m pregnant with no filter at the moment) so why not?

My comment was respectful and straight forward, the original poster actually “liked” the comment. But then I noticed her next post was a snarky one aimed at “sanctimommies” who start commenting on her posts…

I didn’t take it personally, but I take pause to think about all those “funny” memes going thru our feed and which ones we laugh at and which ones have gone too far.

In this case, if being sanctimonious means standing up for those moms who might not share the same socio-economic status I do, than I’ll proudly be sanctimonious. But I prefer adjectives like thoughtful, socially conscious and compassionate.

Not that I would ever advocate buying a used breast pump, pumps sold at retail are not meant to be shared. The pack that contains the motor cannot be opened up and sterilized, and milk and moisture can backflow into the motor causing bacteria to grow. (I shared this in my comment as well)

But telling us you’re not “desperate” enough to buy/borrow a used breastpump is basically just telling us you’re not poor enough to have to make that consideration in the first place. This is fine assuming all your followers share the same socio-economic status that you do. However based on the comments on the post, it’s obvious that’s not the case.

Women have it hard enough in this country as it is, between health care and no paid maternity leave in most states it’s a real struggle for families to give birth in this country. Much more so than it should be for supposedly being one of the “wealthiest” countries in the world. You would have to live in a vacuum to not understand this or not know at least one other mom who’s endured suffocating medical bills, or grieving that time lost with their newborn because they had to go back to work after only a couple weeks at home.

So why then, if your goal is to make other moms laugh in the midst of what’s probably been a long hard day, would you choose to do so by judging another mom’s choice you know nothing about?

I love humor. I’m sarcastic. I love scrolling through my feed after an epic meltdown and reading something that makes me laugh, or better yet that shows me I’m not alone. But poking fun at moms who might not be as fortunate as you? That’s not really funny at all. In fact I’ll go so far as to say it’s ugly.

Yes I can very easily “unfollow” these moms that take it too far. But that’s probably what they want. If I’m standing up for someone or something in response to one of your “funny” memes, it’s probably because somehow someway you’ve gone too far. You can keep defending yourself and your humor. But when it comes to my fellow moms, I won’t stand by while you mock and belittle other moms for having a different opinion than you do.

Which by definition is far more sanctimonious than I could ever try to be. How ironic.

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